id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
