HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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