it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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