My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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