You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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