Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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