Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
