Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
