i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
