I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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