So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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