he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
