You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
