Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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