Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
