you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
