I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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