Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
