She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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