ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize