Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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