Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
