what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The best revenge is premature balding
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
