i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
