i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
