am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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