i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
