so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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