I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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