this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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