sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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