Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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