You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
