You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
