I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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