You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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