Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dick very happy bro
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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