Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
