I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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