I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
