Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
