I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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