I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
