i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Found your dick twin last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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