tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
