oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
