i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's like iHOP with fire
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
