the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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