When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
