All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize