if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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