I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
