if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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