dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
