we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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