My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
