i permit you to call me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
