Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
