Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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