this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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