Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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