I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
