I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
