How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
