Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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