Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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