Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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