Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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