The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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