what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
