I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
