I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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