Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
