I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
