It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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