Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
