also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
