There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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