dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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