The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
